tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235466552024-03-07T14:04:23.521+00:00slalom-speakingCareering about 'twixt outrage and the outlandishmarkwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-58931998163675963592010-05-05T17:15:00.001+01:002023-02-05T17:08:14.828+00:00DiversionThis blog covered a lot of ground, but ceased trading in 2010.
Opinions and reactions expressed here will probably be dated accordingly.
For more recent words, please go here:
The Mortal Bath
Thanks.markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-23935739946775411322009-03-13T09:05:00.006+00:002009-03-13T09:18:08.522+00:00You don't say?Hot off the presses! Drug resource centre DrugScope has revealed that Greater Manchester Police research indicates a shocking and unexpected connection... Cocaine link to violent behaviourwho'dathunkit?markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-55410816375779381052009-01-08T07:35:00.006+00:002009-01-08T07:52:36.462+00:00SATOR AREPO TENET OPERA ROTAS etcHappy New Year!Economic privation, human stalemate in Gaza, seasons changing in the wrong order for the birds. It all ties in when you let it... so thanks to this unknown, unfortunate ski-lift dude for providing the globe with a significator.The BBC article continues: "Photos show the man naked from his waist to his knees, swinging from one leg"Says Waite:"12. The Hanged Man.The figure of a man markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-52343614641883889502008-07-04T10:06:00.000+01:002008-07-04T10:07:20.293+01:00The darkness of this house has got the best of usBrowsing the morning press, I come across this gift-to-satire headline.David Gray Warns On Torture MusicWhat, has he got a new album out?It's writing itself, as me and m'colleagues keep saying. Actually, fair play to the useless twunt. I know I usually say "BabylOFF" when I hear mention of him and his irritating music, but I can always switch channels. If I had a bag over my head, a rottweilermarkwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-1317141261063864252008-06-12T09:02:00.003+01:002008-06-12T09:10:38.892+01:00You can stick your Magna Carta up your arse“We are the worst in the west! We are the worst in the west! We can lock people up without charge for up to 42 days! We have beaten Magna Carta! We have beaten habeas corpus, a cornerstone of democracy! The Barons, the Whigs, Emmeline Pankhurst, Henry Hunt, the Chartists, William Morris, Lord Steyn – we have beaten them all. We have beaten them all! James Somersett, can you hear me? James markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-34579404314638823512008-02-12T09:49:00.000+00:002008-02-12T14:12:25.459+00:00Water lot of nonsense!The last thing I wrote about was the targeted adverts from Googlemail, referring to the stupidly specific items available for people with too much money and a love of the gadget. I got another one this morning, prompted, I presume, by a Scottish pal's subject line 'A wee visit', meaning a visit of small yet perfectly formed size. Astonishingly literalist computer software thought I might be markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-8773644368041078912008-02-06T12:02:00.001+00:002008-02-06T12:15:50.599+00:00Up against the wall #323,237The decline of what we laughing til we sobbingly call Western civilisation continues unchecked as a Google spyware sidebar commercial link informs me that I am now able to purchase a 'Teatool (TM)'.The inventor, Dr Martin Almond [at which point the whole concept began to seem like an elaborate hoax perpetrated specifically to wind me up] expects to receive £5.45 for each 'Teatool (TM)'. That's markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-11174180125173069522008-01-21T10:33:00.000+00:002008-01-21T23:29:36.584+00:00Widespread gusset anxietyFuuuuuuuuuuuuck, it's January the 21st of January, 2008! And I never even said 'happy new year' to the cyberworld. Do we still call it that? It seems like an age, is it Web 3.0 now? I can't keep up.Great, so 2008 sees me in an enthusiastic frame of mind, and what could be better to ease one back into the blogosphere than the juxtapositioning of Paxman and pants?He says - and I'm going to have markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-2623267083528533572007-12-07T16:56:00.000+00:002007-12-07T17:34:17.103+00:00Under Dubya's tree, from Osama, hugs & kissesWhile having a little holiday weekend up North recently the Hornby landscapes, Airfix kits and shiny stuff in the window of a toy emporium, the Monk Bar Model Shop, caught the eye. In we went, marvelling at the intricacies of the models, the attention to detail, the whiff of train set, etc, etc, in a happily distracted mode of nostalgia and pre-Christmas random gift perusing.I used to make the markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-7135335646237165682007-12-07T16:37:00.000+00:002023-02-05T17:03:42.333+00:00Dethpicable!An intriguing snippet found on one of the internet's many free smut networks... Daffy: The Wilderness Yearsmarkwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-88961849376346195532007-11-15T18:24:00.000+00:002007-11-15T19:05:17.181+00:00PedalphiliaYou may have seen/heard the one about the bloke caught apparently humping his bike by now...Avoiding the obvious jokes about what passes for entertainment in Ayrshire - be it the hapless frotterer himself or the cleaners with nothing better to do than barge in on paying guests and then shop them for doing weird stuff in the privacy of their own room - readers of this or my other blog might know markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-51355300682559148252007-10-21T11:23:00.000+01:002019-03-17T20:58:44.010+00:00Postfacto Sexualis!Billionaire writer J.K. Rowling has revealed that Professor Dumbledore, the sorcerer principal of the Harry Potter saga, was gay.In a curious Moebius strip trail of self-congratulation, the usual suspects [Peter Tatchell, for example] emerged during the week to applaud this retro-active character development. Growling gushed to fans: "I would have told you earlier if I knew it would make you so markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-637030675991116812007-09-25T13:46:00.000+01:002007-09-25T14:27:39.056+01:00Tale from an Accelerated CultureSaturday morning, I'm on my way to get the train north to watch the football. I am hungover, I need food, I need a pen. Huge queues for every single shop in the station at King's Cross lead me out of the terminal building, through the underpass [newly refurbished and free of the odour of piss, drink and urgent sex you might once have associated with the area; well, so far anyway] to resurface on markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-8522652202180550162007-09-20T10:12:00.000+01:002007-09-20T16:43:27.360+01:00See, Naples and DietI have got over myself. Adopting the nickname 'Two-Blogs', let's rock. Life's too short and all that.Now, turning our attention to the world wide web... Italians have this week gone bonkers about rice ['Having a paddy' if you won't]. Context... [shimmery screen and harps flashback]Mass protests were being encouraged in Italy [apparently, as yon link notes, with [stereo]typical Italian ambivalencemarkwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-54327440068752257282007-07-11T19:57:00.000+01:002007-07-11T20:43:54.148+01:00Last slalom-speaking blogIt's often the way. There have been occasional moments where, for me, there's been comment worthy of note on this blog, and occasional moments where I just feel like I've been typoing for the sake of it. I always meant 'slalom-speaking' to be about veering between topics, but recently I've only ever felt inclined to write bilious - so I haven't bothered - or fatuous, so I've chucked in a funny markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-13402270987812892922007-07-10T12:08:00.000+01:002007-09-08T11:00:55.511+01:00A world in a grain of sandI just read this little bit of speculation:"The Tech Lab: Charles Stross UK science fiction writer Charles Stross, author of novels Accelerando and Singularity Sky, posits a future in which all human experience is record[ed] on devices the size of a grain of sand.markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-4601186399799159262007-06-29T09:55:00.000+01:002007-06-29T12:15:04.646+01:00Culture and cullingI love the way Ticketmaster, 3 download and the like have some sort of cultural filter/compression device going on, with all bands levelled out to equal status [One Market Under God]. "Don't miss Kaiser Chiefs"trumpets the Ticketmaster email update. Well, if they'd just hold still...markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-2273318520365998762007-06-28T14:31:00.000+01:002007-06-28T15:09:55.234+01:00If you want a picture of the future...Cabinet reshuffle. Jack Straw. Minister of Justice. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.And where are they cloning these Milibands? Milibank Tower? Gah!Never mind the "Here's your new leader, everyone - rejoice!" pictures yesterday. "Woah, did I miss an election?" "GETINTHEBACKOFTHEVAN!!!"markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-46958732113399345972007-06-24T22:17:00.000+01:002007-06-27T11:02:04.909+01:00A number of itemsPreviously, on slalom-speaking...For the first time I posted something and then just took it down... it wasn't that bad, just a bit pointless and bitter. Anyway, I'm sick of writing about stuff I think is cack in such passionate tones. [It was about the Kaiser Chiefs, 'everything is average nowadays', a chance hearing of which was multi-layered and multi-faceted in its revulsive qualities. markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-88363740696231218002007-06-10T18:04:00.000+01:002007-06-10T19:23:10.865+01:00'Mis-pronounciation'.Listening to 'The Only Chart That Counts' - although obviously it needs to use fingers and toes, and perhaps remove some clothing as well - this afternoon revealed something called 'Umbrella' to be selling well. [To be read in the voice of a bemused high court judge asking 'What is a Gazza?']...Maybe it's the rap superstar combining with cutie; maybe it's the the sexed-up video, featuring Rihannamarkwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-43139223140818579152007-06-08T08:28:00.000+01:002007-06-08T08:31:22.499+01:00Band name generator spam'We bet you wouldn't mind to become a super hot bedstar for your non-satisfied girlfriend!'Indeed no. Super hot bedstar though! In at number seven...markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-44691488801758251902007-06-06T11:45:00.001+01:002010-06-30T13:56:23.251+01:00Too many protest singersI saw a 'news item' [man bites dog, etc] last week, but I couldn't be bothered acknowledging it. It's a slow day at work.Where, as I have observed on occasions prior to this, to even begin? 'Horrific ordeal'? Well, nobody made you do it, you stupid cunt. And what kind of animal rights protest involves eating dead animals? And a corgi, at that? This has to be one of the most annoying 'protests' markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-49024823842917973122007-06-04T15:45:00.000+01:002007-06-04T15:46:49.308+01:00Infospam'The corpora cavernosa are the two bodies of erectile tissue on each side of the penis.'I can't say I learned nothing at work today, anyway. The most informative email subject yet!markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-38465773164455236682007-06-03T11:51:00.000+01:002007-06-03T15:31:34.920+01:00Charmless magSomething must be amiss when the Sunday papers no longer afford anything in the way of enjoyment, instead only goading my sensitive cultural antennae into a quivering fury of cognitive dissonance and disgust. Reading the hard copy of the new look Independent on Sunday has resulted in a world record number of utterances of the word 'gah', narrowly pipping the last time I watched an episode of Big markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23546655.post-40886743715214761712007-05-24T11:41:00.000+01:002007-05-24T11:48:40.255+01:00Happy Bobmas!Bob Dylan, we salute you as you blow out the candles on your groaning birthday cake.Photograph by Matthew Rolston from Rolling Stone'On his sixty-sixth birthdayHe already is an old man'markwoffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13721983508413386865noreply@blogger.com1