Billionaire writer and celebrity M.I.L.F. J.K. Rowling has revealed that Professor Dumbledore, the principal bibliomancer of the Harry Potter saga, is gay.
In a curious Moebius strip trail of self-congratulation, the usual suspects [Peter 'actually straight' Tatchell, for example] emerged during the week to applaud this retro-active character development. Growling gushed to fans: "I would have told you earlier if I knew it would make you so happy."
For the love of God. I would have told you earlier if I'd thought of it. Perhaps she was trying to avoid a slew of tabloid headlines [Harry Botter and the Predatory Homosexual Cliché, or whatever]. Gay teachers prey on children, fact. Outing Dumbledore after the series has finished achieves precisely nothing, as the somewhat dry quote from the unnamed Stonewall source ["It's great that JK has said this. It shows that there's no limit to what gay and lesbian people can do, even being a wizard headmaster."] illustrates.
If she was that committed to affirmative action, she'd have had Harry and the ginger one share a bed. Imagine, 'Brokewand Mountain.' 'I wish I knew how to expeliarmus you.' etc etc
THAT would have been great. Not 'a character I killed off in the sixth book without hitherto revealing his sexuality was also casting spells for the other side, incidentally.' Bah!