wonderful spam, lovely spam!

Fellow drones may recognise the following, or variants thereof:

"[***SPAM*** Score/Req: 3.0/1.5] Brand new Rock hard manhood, multiple explosions and several times more semen volume

Dear customer.
Achieve astounding results in bed with these products designed to make any man a winnerEnhanced male power and unlimited prowess with your girl The best products for the winning guys

Have more success with women and impress them with your power and stamina in bed"

Not what I want to read at 9.10 am when my palate is Kalaharified by a preceding evening in the pub. I want to be awash with tea, not manfat.

However. The tone of this type of mail is worryingly untidy - 'multiple explosions'! 'several times more semen volume'! The language obviously stems [heh] from the upended yoghurt pot school of pornography, in which visually arresting but unrealistically copious amounts of ejaculate is to be found besmearing faces, butocks, chests, feet... I am reminded of the punchline to one of my favourite jokes, 'Then I wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the fucking roof.'

This email seems to encourage behaviour that only a launderette could condone. 'Achieve astounding results in bed', I ask you. Good news for detergent manufacturers!
Note to self: weave brilliant journalistic exposé of collusion between big Pharma and website spammers. Eat pie. Take paracetamol. Delete email.